PART 5: If You Love Someone With ADHD + OCD- Understanding the Internal Experience

A Series: Understanding the ADHD & OCD Comorbidity

by Sarah Jurrens, LPC, LMHC, ADHD-CCSP, CCTP

How to support someone whose brain is fighting two battles at once.

❤️ Their Reactions Are Not Personal — They Are Protective

When someone with ADHD + OCD freezes, withdraws, or becomes overwhelmed, it is not a rejection of you. It is a neurobiological survival response triggered by executive overload and intrusive threat signals.

You may shrink away from others even when you need support, or start noticing and pulling away from anything (or anyone) in the room that feels threatening. This is not avoidance — it is self‑protection.

🧠 Their Brain Is Managing Chaos and Control at the Same Time

ADHD creates internal unpredictability.OCD responds by tightening control. The nervous system becomes overwhelmed, leading to freeze, panic, or compulsions.

Loved ones may misinterpret this as:

• overreacting

• being dramatic

• being controlling

• shutting down on purpose

  
  

But research shows that people with both disorders experience significantly higher emotional dysregulation and distress.

What Helps: Compassion, Safety, and Belief

Compassion, or a sign that they are understood, can be a key to helping them release themselves from this uncomfortable mental space. As a client said, “I wish someone had told me it's not my fault.”

Loved ones can help by:

• staying calm

• offering understanding without reassurance, which can ramp up OCD anxieties over time

• validating the fear

• avoiding criticism or disbelief

• giving space without withdrawing emotionally

  
  

This reduces nervous system activation and helps the person return to a regulated state.

References for Part 5

Bertin, M. (2022). Living With Both ADHD and OCD. Psychology Today.

Olivardia, R. (2025). OCD and ADHD: Comorbid Symptoms and Treatment. ADDitude.

Tadross, M. (2024). OCD…and ADHD: An Advocate’s Treatment Experience. IOCDF